Swipe ideas from some of the best Facebook ads
Advertiser: Outdoor Voices
If in doubt, use pictures of ladies wearing shorts.
Only kidding, of course, but it's a tactic that's been used over and over again, simply because it, erm, gets your attention.
As for the copy, it starts off well by saying hello (three times), but ends up being too focused on the business itself, rather than the reader.
If i'd have written it, there would be much more emphasis on you.